371 | Randi-Lee Bowslaugh, the AMAZING Boss Lady is here to share her story!

0:05  
Welcome back to positive talk radio. Our goal is simple to explore evolving ideas, one conversation at a time. So come on over into our world, I know you'll like it. Because on today's show, we have an awesome author, speaker, advocate, and athlete. That's quite a combination to have all at the same time. And we're gonna get into that in just a minute. But I've got to talk to my friend Eric first. See, 18 years ago, when I was doing positive talk radio, I gave him the job of monitoring and taking care of the weather. And I saw I have to ask him, Eric, why in the world? Is it snowing? Because it's cold. Next question. Yeah, well, you know, part of my team has not been able to be part of my team today, because they're over at Finn Hill, and they haven't had power since 10 o'clock last night.

1:02  
Wow. Well, let's hope that gets fixed quickly. Yeah, we are in the middle of a bit of a winter, winter storm at the moment. So we're seeing a mix of snow and rain and more snow and more rain.

1:18  
Do they have I haven't been paying attention to the weather have they been? And this is where all the listeners for everybody that's driving around out there has Have they given us an idea of how much snow or how long this is going to last?

1:28  
Well, because it's gonna fluctuate between rain and snow, you know, we may get a couple inches, but that's going to disappear anytime it warms up to turn it to rain. And then we'll get a couple more inches and then back to the rain. Thanks. So it doesn't look too much like it's going to be accumulating. But definitely it looks like it slick conditions for sure.

1:54  
But it's not going to get into the 20s overnight, so it's not going to flow,

1:58  
it is going to get into the 20s. Overnight, we're going to see lows around 23. And so it's going to be slick out there. But during the days, we're gonna see more rain mixed in with that. So probably not a lot of accumulation.

2:13  
So the advice there is if you have to get up and go to work early in the morning, you can be careful because there's going to be ice out there. Most likely. Yes, indeed. So now that we got that cleared up, it's you know, we don't get that much snow here. And so everybody loses their mind when we get them when that happens. And we just have to be really careful. So Eric, thank you so much. And Randy Lee Bose laws, our guest and she is right there. And Randy, how are you today?

2:43  
I'm good. And I'm glad to hear that you have this no one I know.

2:47  
You're in Ontario and a few I am. You're supposed to have snow now.

2:52  
No, thank you. We had we had a little bit of snow on the weekend. But it's all since gone because it got warmed up again.

3:00  
Oh, well, good work. Could you could you fix it here for us? Because we will.

3:05  
Because then it might come back to me. And, you know, I like you know. You can keep it? You know, I

3:13  
guess that much. So I understand completely. So I gotta tell you, we've talked before you've been on the show before. And but I gotta tell you, I've been reading your bio. And not only are you an author, you are passionate about helping others. You're a speaker, you're an advocate. I had no idea that you were and I don't know if you still are a world class athlete.

3:42  
I'm not currently, my body this year was like no, actually, I don't think you're gonna be able to do that. But yeah, I was for a while there.

3:54  
And you did you get to hear the Canadian national anthem at the World kickboxing tournament.

4:00  
I think so. Because you came in well, that was the pan Americans that it came in second, but

4:10  
I'm trying to remember now so long ago and my memory it was 2016 I mean, and the adrenaline all the excitement kind of like everything blurs together but I'm gonna go with Yeah, I think so.

4:21  
What's it like being see I was in my youth. I attempted to be a boxer. What's it like being a kickboxer?

4:30  
Oh, it's so much fun, especially kicking them in the head. That's my favorite thing to do. And whenever we would do drills that were like, just straight boxing. I'd be like, I don't know what to do right now. I can't go to kick them like well, I can't tell right now because we're just doing boxing and yeah, my knee I need to kick things.

4:54  
So now now in order to kick somebody in the head, you have to be Be able to kick pretty high, I would think. Yeah. So what got you involved in kickboxing? Was it was it that you were managing older brothers or something?

5:11  
No, actually, so we put our kid in kickball or non kickboxing. We'll put our kid in jujitsu when he was five, he's 16 now. So when he was five, we put him into kickball or into jujitsu. While he was in class, there was an adult cardio kickboxing class going on. And I look over and be like, those girls have really nice, but I want to have fun. So I joined the class. They actually got it from running not from kickboxing, but China glass, it was a lot of fun. So then I moved from the fitness class, to the actual, real class. And then the rest is history. I started doing it loving it. hitting people.

5:55  
Great. Well, somebody had to say at one point, young lady, you got a lot of talent for this. Who was that guy? Okay,

6:02  
um, that would be my coach Roger. Key. He said it the way he goes, you're, you were learned so quickly, like most people takes the go. It's a very slow progress. He goes, but you just like took off? So, like,

6:23  
what's it like going to the pan America games and going, going into the stadium when everybody's coming in there? They've been opening ceremonies and

6:36  
um, I don't know, people might be expecting a different answer. But it's just like, it's, it's long and little tedious because you're standing there and can't do anything. So it's a little boring. I just want to like, get out and go

6:49  
see and do things. Where were the Pan American Games held?

6:54  
Mexico, Cancun, in where? Cancun?

6:59  
Oh, a lousy place to go visit there. I mean, there's lots of stuff to do in Cancun,

7:03  
right? I know. And I'm sitting here going, Okay, finish talking so I can get in the pool.

7:10  
So so it must have been a great challenge for you, but also a lot of fun. Oh, it's so much fun. And congratulations on that, by the way. That is a, I've talked to a lot of people. And I've met just a few really great athletes. And it takes being a great athlete to be able to do what you do and an income in seconds and all of that. So congratulations. That's awesome.

7:35  
Yeah, it was it was so much fun. And perhaps one day, I'll do it again. We just have to wait for the body to decide to walk to.

7:44  
I don't mean to put this in politely. But is there a senior division?

7:48  
There is actually I'm not quite old enough for that. Yeah. So that's 40 and over? Yeah. We call it veteran.

7:58  
So you have 40 year old women kicking each other in the head?

8:02  
Oh, yeah. Some of them are amazing. I mean, age really? Doesn't stop. Yeah. I know. They do. What in the veteran division. So normally, the divisions are three rounds of depending what style you find it in one and a half to two minutes. The Veterans though, is Oh, try to remember now. It's always one and a half minutes, I think. And I feel like it was two rounds. Yeah, it's been a while since I've reviewed the rules.

8:37  
Well, to be fair, they may have changed. Exactly, exactly. You don't know if well, if you decide to get back into it, you'll need to come back on the show. Because when I was 20 I went to see the movie Rocky, and said, Oh, I think I'll do that. Yeah, I went to the professional gym in downtown Seattle is no longer there. It's called the Eagles gym on seventh and union and I met a professional boxing trainer. And he said this to me. I can make you the champion of the world. If somebody ever walks up to you and says I can make your champion of the world don't listen to him run.

9:19  
All I heard was please give me all your money.

9:24  
Exactly. So it took me took me to Monroe reformatory and and he said all Don't worry that we are all going to be matched up with people our own skill level before hospital but that's a story for them. I'll have to tell that story completely one time but yeah, it was I broke my cheek and and and and had to go have surgery and all that kind of good stuff. So Oh, ouch. Fortunately for me, that was the end of my boxing career because now I would be if I had box like a long time of became a champion. I would be behind the mic. prefer going something like this? So you know, I don't know what you say, we I have a nice day, you know, something like that. So,

10:12  
yeah, I like this conversation better.

10:15  
I do too. And let's get into it a little bit because not only are you uh, do you like people saying that? She's a world class athlete?

10:26  
Sometimes it depends on my mood. So right now, yes.

10:32  
That's very nice. But you're also an author. And you've written in several different genres based upon your life experience and the things that have gone on with you. Is that a fair assessment? Yes. And so let's the first one that you wrote, in 2017, was about mental health awareness, it was called thoughts of a wonder Where did the name come from,

11:00  
um, I thought of when I was a teenager, actually, like, years before I actually published the book. And I just knew one day I was gonna make book and I was gonna be called thoughts of a monster, no idea how I came up with it, because it's like, 20 years ago. But it's stuck with me. So when I did finally go to publish the book, I was like, I already got name. Perfect.

11:23  
Very nice. Now, it's about mental health awareness. What does it comprise? What does it talk about?

11:29  
So it's a collection of poetry. And it's all of the poems that I had written as a teenager, and some of the darkest times. And then I also did like a little beginning chapter, an end chapter to kind of set this set the reader up to understand where these poems are coming from, and then at the end, kind of be like, Okay, so as dark as they are, let's remember that things can be better and good, that you don't have to end it all. And I've been thinking about re releasing it. So I wanted to I want to do some updates and edits, because I mean, 2017, I was still a very fresh author. I've since learned lots and I want to, and I have other ideas to put into that one and just kind of refresh it, you know?

12:17  
Well, it's kind of cool, because it is. Now I don't know if you I would call it an autobiography, but it is kind of based upon your life experiences, right?

12:27  
Yeah, I definitely have another book that would be more like an autobiography than that one, because it is more poetry. But like I said, the the very first section of it, I shared just a smidge of my life story just took on, set the stage.

12:44  
But now that you've had more of a life story that you can go revisit that book. Because your your experience has led you to other things.

12:53  
Exactly. And growth. Yes, exactly. And that's,

12:57  
that's what's really exciting and really cool about life. Yes, is that the longer you go? I now I'm speaking from experience, mind you. The longer you go, the more fun you can have. And the more experiences you get. And then you get to the point where it's like, oh, no, I had that in the end when I was 46. I don't need that again. And so you get a little bit smarter over time.

13:22  
Yes, exactly. Been there, done that. And I

13:26  
don't need that anymore. I've had that. And I would like to go do something else now. Thank you very much. And then the next book you will I want to talk about this one a little bit, because I think it's a mother's truth is, and I want to talk about that because I just found out a month or so ago that my granddaughter is quote unquote, on the spectrum, okay. Which means that I have no earthly idea what any of that means.

13:56  
You know what, at least you can admit it.

13:58  
Exactly, exactly. And I've done so a little bit of research, but I don't know what being on the spectrum means for a four year old child. I know how it affects the mom and dad because the child is not behaving as a normal, whatever normal is four year old child. And so they've got present unique challenges. I don't really know what that holds for them now or in the future. And, and they even tell me that they can, that there are some kids that are autistic in nature now that can grow out of it. I have no idea whether any of that's true. You don't

14:36  
grow out of it. It's with you forever, but you develop coping strategies to help you fit into societal standards. So it's more like when people talk about that like growing out of it. Like it's you gain different coping strategies to then mask when you need to So actually was diagnosed finally, last year myself. And I'm like, Oh, my whole life makes sense. But like, we are holding a very important conversation. And in a sense I masking because my voice isn't as big as it is sometimes when I'm just kind of letting everything go, now, you can see me, nobody else can see me and I'm fidgeting isn't making faces. So I mean, it's always there, but you develop coping strategies. And it's really, like you just said, She's four. So she has a great chance of getting the skills at an early age, because the earlier that you can help them, the better it will be for them to learn, because as kids age, you know, it's you can't teach an old dog new tricks, right. So it's the same thing with people, the younger that you can help somebody, the better it is, just like kids who are bilingual from birth, if they've speak two languages in the home, it's a lot easier for the kids, that when you're an adult trying to learn that second language,

16:15  
and I want to bring it up and talk about it quite a little bit, because I don't know if everybody knows this. But years ago, like 20 years ago, they were saying that one out of 80 kids were out of 90 kids was going to be on the spectrum was autistic in some manner or form. And through the years, the last 20 years or so, that number has kept on coming down. Yes. So it was now like one in 60, and then one in 40, you know, one in 20. And now it's down to like, one in eight or nine is have you been keeping up with those taxes.

16:54  
Um, I don't know that. But the stats right now, last time I checked was a few years ago, and it was like one in 64, or something Canada stats, which are very similar to the US that nail, there's oodles of factors, and I'm not a doctor. But from what I do know, when autism was first discovered way back when it was discovered in boys, it was something boys had. And for the longest time only boys were like, researched on. That's not the word I'm looking for. But they were the only ones that they had to base any of the diagnostic criteria on. And so when girls would start to present maybe like, oh, no, you're not presenting because you're a girl. No. Right. And so I think that nail that people are more aware of the actual symptoms and what to look for. A lot more girls are now being diagnosed. So the numbers come down, simply because and I shouldn't say simply because but one of the reasons is because nail girls are also being diagnosed at a higher rate than they ever were before. Because girls don't present the same way as boys

18:18  
and boys, having had two of them living in my house for you know, their, their formative years. Boys are a lot more difficult if the early age, they don't listen as much they get out of they get out of whack and they really they really can lose their their mind. That's my common anyway. And and stuff. But girls are a little bit quieter at the younger ages, and then then through their teenage years. That was my experience.

18:52  
It's so true. And girls are often diagnosed later it later as well. Like my kid was diagnosed at the age of eight. Because when me and my husband said, there's there's something wrong with no, they're just a quiet kid. It's fine. Yeah, they're a quiet kid, but they're quiet because they are not being socially engaged to an appropriate developmental level as everyone else and you're just saying that they're just, you know, a quiet kid. No, no, they are acting, you know, three years younger than they should be. So it does take a lot and it's it's it's very hard to diagnose again, because it is developmental there's no blood test to figure it out. You really just have to go to the psychologist or psychiatrist to talk to them about all of your past experiences, how your interactions or are in different situations to really see is this an anxiety thing where you know you're at school so you're anxious or you're acting too quiet or you Is it actually autism, and you are quiet and all of these situations, but you're quiet to the point that even if somebody says your name, you're not paying attention, like it doesn't even faze you. That's how my kid got diagnosed. It was people will be like, hey, love what's up, like right in front of his face? And it was like, not even there. No, no clue, but somebody was talking to you.

20:25  
So if girls who obviously turned into young women, and then women were not diagnosed with autism, then there are people wandering around who have autism, who that nobody has ever diagnosed. So when they are presenting as, as you say, then they think of something else? Or do they think they're just being weird? or did somebody give them anti psychiatry, a psycho, some drugs to calm them down, and that kind of stuff, because nobody diagnose them?

21:02  
A little bit of yes to all of those, it really depends on which doctor, this person ends up going and talking to, because a lot of doctors don't understand autism. It's not their specialty, especially like just a general practitioner, like a family doctor, they're going to, they would rather probably hit you up with some antidepressants, or anti psychotic, then to really dig deep into why you're doing what you're doing. And as adults, we've gone through life. So we've picked up different skills along the way, whether they're good or bad. And that's to be seen. But we've picked up different skills and strategies, especially for those of us who went to higher education. Or if you went to college or university, you've picked up enough skills to help you manage, get going through those are getting a job and doing an interview. So you're managing enough that sometimes the doctor would be like, You're fine, you're you're blowing this out of proportion, even though you're I go, it takes me two weeks to make a phone call, because I forget that I need to make a phone call. Even if it's written down on this piece of paper that's in front of my face, I'll forget what I'm doing. And just little things like that, that it's an accumulation of many factors. But yeah,

22:20  
I guess the long story short here would be if you feel like you have got some issues that that go to somebody that is is able to talk to you and diagnose you so that you can get to the bottom of it. Because if you're if you're diagnosed incorrectly, you can't get to the bottom of what's really going on. Can you

22:40  
know you can't, so yeah, go to if you there's a bunch of different really good, like self assessments online, there obviously aren't going to tell you 100%. But it's kind of a nice starting point. So that you can go to the doctor and say, hey, look, I think that I fit into autism spectrum, do you? can you refer me to somebody who knows about it?

23:06  
So you said the word spectrum again, and my son use that to me, she's on the spectrum. I still have no earthly idea what that means. How? How broad is the spectrum?

23:18  
Super duper broad. So good. I love this question, actually. So autism spectrum, it's an umbrella of various developmental levels. And so Asperger's used to have its own category, it is now part of the autism spectrum. What is it PD? PD FC? Nope. It's another developmental one. I can't remember the exact acronym. But it's doesn't quite fit autism, but it's a developmental and then it nit is now falling under the umbrella of autism spectrum. And then when you look at spectrum, a lot of people and I get this question a lot, you know, are you lower high functioning? Well, it's not cut and dry like that. So you have to think of it more as various skills. So your communication skills for both verbal and nonverbal two separate skills really, you can be low, or high or in the middle, right? Your social skills can be low, high in the middle, whatever. You're basically any executive functions that could be planning organization, ability to make phone calls, how to interact with people, all of these need to be looked at on their own merit, not as one big, lower high, each one separately. So it always used to still bugs me, but I can now better articulate what I'm trying to say when people say hey, lower high functioning, and I go, let's stop right there. Because we're not going to use those labels. Because especially for my kid you It's, you know, at 16. Now he's learned a lot more things. He's still, you know, he's 16. But sometimes I'm like, you're still 10. I love you, though. But I used to get a lot of well, are they lower high? And I'd say, well, he has really high verbal communication skills, he will chat your ear off. He's a little lower, though, on the processing of what you're going to see back to him. And then he's a little lower on task completion. So don't give him more than two things at a time, because he's not going to remember the third fourth thing.

25:37  
Gotcha. I just thought that was life. You know, we all have our, our skills, and we all have things we don't do. Well, how many times have you walked out of your house without your keys in your pocket? And can't remember? Where in the world did you put your keys?

25:53  
Exactly. And that's why I'm saying like, there's so many different components that you have to look out, which is why if you suspect that you might have it, or your kid might have it, you have to speak to somebody who is aware of what autism really is, because it can look so much like ADHD so much, like, just being forgetful, so much like all of these other things, depression, anxiety, but you really have to get down to the nitty gritties of every little detail in order to get a true diagnosis.

26:22  
Well, we're gonna talk more about that book, and also subsequent books, and also the things that you do in life that you becoming an advocate, and you put that on your website, you're an advocate for people who need help with different things. And you, you by the way, you are just a dynamic, dynamically lovely person, I wish people could see your smile and who you are. You're, you're you're just terrific. But we need to take a break. And we're gonna, by the way, while we're taking that break, if you want to go to her website, you can which is our B writing dot c a, because she's, you know, like a in candidate anything, you know? Like that. No, no, he doesn't sound like that at all. But you know, so, but if you want to go to RB writing.ca, you can find out all about her, her books, you can work with her, she does speaking. She's a writing coach, which, by the way, I sorely need a writing coach, but we'll talk about that another time. But in any event, you're listening to positive talk radio, and we will be right back right after these. Just a couple of minutes. Don't go anywhere. Really. Honestly, we got lots of stuff to do. Hey there, I'm excited that you're listening right now. And if you like what we're doing here, you're gonna love positive talk radio dotnet on positive talk radio.net. Each show which is recorded live is packed with positive information with real people discussing real issues and positive solutions that can work for everyone. I hope that you'll join us on positive talk radio dotnet and listen to all 340 Plus shows. I think it's worth your time again, that's just me that's positive talk radio dotnet your home for great progressive positive podcast.

28:19  
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28:57  
And welcome back to positive talk radio everybody. It is Wednesday afternoon and snowing. So I want everybody to take care of themselves and make sure that you are obeying the speed limit and all that kind of good stuff and take care and so that you don't get into an accident. We are talking with a great young lady. Her name is Randy Lee. And I'm going to have you pronounce your last name to make sure because I think I got it right at the beginning. You did Boleslaw Oh, very good. Boleslaw and she is got a great website that I want you to go to which is Arbi writing.ca. She does all kinds of things including your background is including recovery work, you're a postgraduate work at a native friendship center. You pursued an education in psychology and your world class kickboxer. That's quite a package you got put together there. Thank you. Thank you and and your mother Are two right?

30:01  
Yes. And grandma?

30:03  
No way.

30:05  
She just turned three.

30:07  
How old? Is your grandson? Your son?

30:10  
Um, my stepdaughter is 18. Okay, she's about to be 19. Yeah.

30:16  
Oh, very nice. Well, how is the grandchild is? Is she doing well, or he?

30:22  
He is doing so well. He's potty trained. Now he talks your ear off. And Grandma is his favorite person.

30:32  
Isn't it fun when you get to be a grandparent of these little children? And they, before they find out the real you they think that you walk on water and stuff? And

30:43  
yeah, yeah, exactly.

30:47  
You can have whatever you want. Yes. So adorable. I love you. So and you've written a couple of books. And yeah, you haven't got another book coming out? I

30:58  
do, was hoping you would ask. So it's actually on pre order right now on Amazon, you can get preorder of the e book. And it releases may 20th of next year. It's called Goodbye Too Soon. And it's a story about my brother, he died. It'll be two years ago on May 20. That's why it's being released that day. And so he died. from a drug overdose. He was addicted to drugs for most of his life. And so it's it's his story, it's my story is written for family members really all about how to forgive yourself, forgive the person with the addiction, because sometimes we have to put boundaries into place. And just love them from a distance, which can be very difficult, especially if that person passes away before we're able to really have a good relationship. So there's some research in there, I add some research, I add some of the story of planning the funeral. And the phone call. The very first chapter is about the phone call, I guess. And then I I ended up having to tell my mom what happened. So that was, that was a doozy. Um, and so yeah, so so far, the feedback is that you need a box of tissues. I do go to read it.

32:29  
I'm, we talked about this book last time. And I want to talk about that some more, because you are doing a lot for people and especially in the United States, because drug or drug addiction and overdose in this country right now is beyond belief.

32:50  
Same in Canada.

32:52  
Is it as bad in Canada?

32:53  
It's pretty bad. Yeah.

32:56  
I was told that 100,000 People in 2021 died of a drug overdose.

33:01  
Sounds about right. I do actually have the statistics. I put them in the book. I don't remember off the top my head, but they do there are in the book.

33:09  
It's an it's incredible, that that this I would think would be something that would be on the news every day. Because that's that that's more people that die in car accidents. It's more people to die than die of heart attacks. It's an if, and it's young people. Yeah, a lot of them.

33:29  
But if they started talking about it more than they'd have to actually realize there's a problem that has to be dealt with and then deal with it. And that's that's crazy talk, I'll be honest, do that.

33:42  
Well, but But please, so many people are are dying. And and it has to we have we can't hide from it anymore. And

33:54  
that is what did a man actually

33:57  
is that what did he mean? Yeah. And can you do you mind sharing a little bit about that story that might help somebody?

34:05  
Yeah, for sure. What part do you want to know? Because that could be a long one. Well,

34:10  
because he started out what was his drug of choice to start? Was it beer and wine and and

34:17  
so I'm not 100% sure because I was the younger sister. So he was four years older than me. Now he's only three years older than me. I joke because I still care. And so he I remember the first the first time I can remember seeing him do drugs. We live still in the town house. So I was probably he was probably maybe 14 or 15. So I was like 10 or 11. And I walked into the kitchen and he had these two hot knives and something between them and there was smoke coming out and I had no idea what it was. I was still young and you was offering You drugs and I was like, No, wha, what, and then I walked away. And so that was my first kind of clear memory. So I don't know what he did prior to that, because I mean, that was, that seems like a pretty a hard drug of choice at 15. So from there, he was in and out of jail a bunch, which was called juvenile detention, because it was like the youth jail. And I do talk about that a lot in the book, because in Canada, when he was going through the system, it was called the Young Offenders Act. But in 2002, they changed the law to be the youth Criminal Justice Act. And there's quite a significant difference in how they implement the justice system based on those two acts. So I kind of give an overview of the two, and how the justice system has come a long way, because the new Act focuses more on rehabilitation and helping the youth as opposed to when my brother was in there that was more about punishment, and kind of teaching them if you lie, and we can't prove it, well, then you'll get off the hook instead of nail words, like own up to it, and then we can help you. So big Princess,

36:17  
it really is, hopefully, that we are learning that punishment for an addiction, which is a disease is not appropriate, in most cases. Now, what they do because of their addiction, ie stealing, things like that, they may have to pay a price for that. But they're also not getting the I interviewed a gentleman two weeks ago, he was he was hard on drugs, he'd lost his wife had lost his family lost everything, and that he was stealing stuff to get by. And then he committed an armed robbery. And they got caught. And so he went to prison, or he went to you went to the jail. And he had been on drugs for a long time. So there was huge withdrawal symptoms that he was going through. And so he went to the nurse, and she and said, Look, I'm I'm, I been using for a long time. And now obviously here I can't, and I gotta get clean and sober. But this is painful, and it hurts. And she said, Well, you know, we like to treat you like a rocket ship. You go down hard and fast. So so they then give him anything to help him. Would you like some Tylenol? Maybe that'll help. So and nor did he get any counseling. And so he went through that, which was a, you know, a horrible experience, though some people would say, Well, you know, he deserved to go through that. But it can, it can really hurt you. And sometimes it can kill you. So it's important that we as a culture I, in my humble way of thinking, I think it's important for to take care of for us to take care of our kids. And you help them.

38:04  
Right. Exactly. And I say this in the book, My brother didn't wake up every morning, go, You know what, I'm doing some drugs and be great. Yes, let's let's get high today. No, he woke up. And addiction is a mental health condition. And it's becoming more widely known that that's true that that's the case, because for a long time it was exactly that you are choosing to be addicted, you are choosing to do drugs, you're choosing to drink alcohol, to a very extreme extent. And so in the book, I do go through what the actual DSM five outlines as the diagnostic criteria for for an addiction, because it is actually a diagnosable condition. And that means that there's treatment that can also help. But unless you're willing to stand up and say, I need help, you're not going to get it and that that can be very difficult.

39:06  
And there's a great big stigma about about standing up and saying, I need help. And then and because you know it, it changes your brain chemistry. I've

39:16  
that's what I've heard. That's what I've read. And it's so the longer you do it, the harder it comes back from and you're right. Like you were talking about the the guests that you had, having lost his family lost this and that they do they lose relationships, they lose jobs, they lose homes. And that's why when I wrote this book, I really wrote it, speaking to the families is not to say somebody with an addiction, can't read it, but it's really written to the families to try and help them understand. First off, it's okay if they're not talking to this person every day, because you still have to protect your own mental health and your own emotional well being as well. but also as a way to kind of understand that other person, so you can decide how much support you can provide to them. So for my brother a long time, for a long time I tried to help him by, I would sometimes drop off Kraft dinner to his house, I told him, I would say, Hey, I will meet you somewhere, but you are not coming to my house, right? Like, so there's boundaries that you have to set. And as time went on, the boundaries got more strict, like, they got to the point of I am not seeing you until you're clean and sober because it was just when I would see him. And he would ask me a question. For instance, Hey, can I have $10? Then the answer would be no, because I knew what he was going to use it for. And all of a sudden it would, you are such. Right? Because, and a lot of people with addictions are this way. They are very sweet to get what they want. But as soon as they don't get what they want, they'll drop every word they know, at you, because they are not getting what they need to get their fix. And withdrawal is painful, like you said, like, so there's a lot of components to it. And it's can be very difficult. Being a family member of somebody with an addiction to try and you know, say I still love you, I still care about you, but they the person with the addiction, all they care about at that moment, is getting the next fix.

41:26  
And they don't well, let me ask you, do they recognize that you still love them? Or does he? Is he so far in depth into what he's doing that? He just poucos it unless you got 10 bucks?

41:41  
Yeah, I think I got to the point that it was kind of like poo pooed it because I was very, very strict on the I'm always not gonna communicate with you if you're gonna call me those names. The last conversation I actually had with him, it was about three weeks before he died. He was at my aunt's house. And so we were on Zoom. And he at first I was just we were just sort of talking. And it was really hard to have a conversation with him because it's how do you have a conversation? Hey, how are you? What's new? Not much new in his life. And then to for me to tell him what's new in my life. It's almost like I almost felt like I'm saying, Hey, I'm so much better than you

42:24  
know you're not.

42:27  
But it felt like Yeah, yeah.

42:29  
So when when he when when he finally overdosed? Was it because he had to introduce something new, like fentanyl or it got snuck into your stuff with the ever find out? Exactly.

42:47  
I don't think so. They never told us anything different. I think it was more just, Oh, there's another drug addict gone? Sweet. For sure. Hands Clean. So no, they never did. Tell us. I'm not sure exactly what happened. I would when I got the phone call. It was his ex girlfriend and they were still friends. She actually had messaged me on Facebook first to call her. So I called her and she she was just like, I'm so sorry. Brandon's gone. And I was like, what? So she gave me the number of the other person that was on scene with his body and the police and everything. And she kind of explained to me what happened and said, You know, I tried I tried to give him the naloxone. So Naloxone has these counter, like counter active things that help when there is a certain type of drug overdose. I put the definition in the book as well. And so basically Naloxone it's supposed to revive somebody that's having drug overdose, and it just didn't work for him that time.

43:58  
Now, was that the one that uses a nasal spray?

44:03  
It I know it does also use a needle.

44:07  
Yeah, they've got a new one out. Now that's down here is a nasal spray. Okay. And it is, you know, I've had a couple of I drove a bus for a long time. And I had a couple of people OD on the bus. Okay. And so they the medic one came and they determined that he was indeed on his way, you know, out so they gave him I forget the name of it, but it was but it was actually a nose spray. But you can't use it. It fixes the problem short term, but it wears off and it doesn't help long term.

44:45  
Yeah, exactly. It's kind of like a kind kinda like an epi pen almost right. When you're having an alert this severe allergic reaction. It helps you make it to an emergency room. By You still need medical attention.

45:01  
It was a dangerous thing I ever see I ever saw. Because this man was lying on on my boss, I was driving a 60 foot pots. He was lying there. He had tubes in him because they were checking him and stuff. And the medic, one came. And they had we had been trying for 30 minutes to wake him up while the policeman was actually putting his finger in his eye, trying to you know, cause enough discomfort to wake him up. And oh, my goodness, nothing was working. And so they, they administered Narcan is what they call it. Oh, yes. Okay. And they administered Narcan. And he like popped up and was sitting up, and it was like, nothing was wrong. And I said, Wow, that stuff's a miracle. And the the firemen said, not really good. He'll be comatose in about 20 minutes. So we have to get him to the hospital now. Yeah. and stuff. So it, but it's one of those things, you know, drug addiction, can correct me if I'm wrong, but drug addiction is one of those things where, in the beginning, it's a great deal of fun. It makes them feel super and happy. And whatever it is. But then over time, it kind of the table kind of flips. Yeah, no longer necessarily fun. It's no necessity.

46:18  
Exactly. That's, I mean, I've never because of seeing what happened with Brandon, I never I've done drugs, but from all of the different interviews I've done on my show. Yeah, that's pretty much it. You know, they start because it's helping them deal with, say, their anxiety. And I think that's part of what was Brandon's issue was he needed to deal with anxiety and some trauma that happened? And so they use that to feel better. And it works. But in order to keep it working, they have to use more and more and more, and then eventually, it's that the drug is saying, No, you're going to use me now. I don't care. If you think you need me, you're going to need me

46:54  
whether you want to or not. Exactly. And by the way, there's a guy sitting in a car someplace that just heard you say on your show, and he wants me to ask you, your show. Tell us about your show.

47:06  
Sure. So I have a podcast and a YouTube channel. It's called the right or die show. So right like you're writing something WRI te, right or die show, I interview other authors and we talk about their personal mental health journeys. Much like we're doing now to try and just bring awareness, get people to learn some new coping strategies, and hopefully just bring some awareness and help even just one person.

47:37  
You know, at the end of the day, that's all we can do is with this is a very, you people think that this is a public thing. It's a very personal thing. Exactly. It's you and I sitting here having a conversation. And there are other people in the Seattle market that are listening to this conversation. And they're thinking while they're on the radio, and that is that no, this is just a conversation between you and I, that hopefully, somebody will get the benefit of because we've talked about some great things today. We've talked about writing, we've talked about kickboxing. We've talked about autism. We've talked about drug addiction, and you're a wonderful guest to have. And by the way, I've since I do a podcast too. And I know yours is terrific. Is is mine. Okay?

48:23  
Yeah, like yours is great. Oh, good. I always fish for compliments. You know, everyone should subscribe to both of us.

48:31  
I agree. I agree. Something want to subscribe to you. How can we get that done?

48:35  
So if you prefer to watch it on YouTube, and then you can do that right or die show, hit subscribe. Or if you prefer podcasts, you can listen on Spotify, Apple, podcasts, Google Play, whatever, when you listen to it on, say it slower. Sorry, I talk fast. On YouTube, you can find it and you'll see the videos. And I always have very cool makeup on. And then I know I see it right now. And then if you prefer to just listen through a podcast version, you can listen on Spotify, Apple podcast, Google podcast, whatever platform it is that you prefer to listen to. It's on all of them.

49:15  
And how did you get started doing that? Um, so

49:18  
I loved podcasts. I loved listening to them. I liked being guests on them. And I was like, I could do this. I love talking. And when I was little, I was gonna be a famous actor. So I was like, well, having my own talk show is kind of the same thing.

49:35  
Well, you're not old yet. You're not dead yet. So you never know what can happen yet.

49:39  
True. But according to my kid, I'm ancient, you know? And, yeah. It doesn't take much for them. And so I was like, Okay, what am I going to make the show about and a bunch of different ideas went through my head. And then somebody said, and I knew I wanted something about mental health. I knew that. And somebody said to me, Well, you're an author, right? You just talked about They're authors. Oh,

50:03  
brilliant, brilliant. Can you niche down into a real fairly narrow niche, but it's it's also, it's broad at the same time.

50:12  
Exactly. So I talked to authors, but it's not just for authors to listen to because it's, you know, we're just talking about mental health. And what I do on the YouTube one anyways, is I make playlists. So if you're like, hey, just want to listen to the depression episodes, you can look and all the depression episodes are all together the bipolar all together, right? So it's kind of neat that way. Yeah, absolutely.

50:34  
And then you do a great job. And thank you for the work that you're doing. And by the way, this will be on positive talk radio dotnet, as well as positive talk radio, the YouTube channel, we have over 60,000 views on YouTube, just so they're,

50:50  
so I'm working on it. Okay, I'm still fresh.

50:55  
In is it's great to it's great fun. And we are sadly because this is actual real radio in downtown Seattle. And this is k k nw 11:50am. We're going to run out of time in approximately three and a half minutes. So I want to make sure that I give you enough time to be able to tell our audience anything that's on your heart that you would like them to know.

51:17  
Why do I want them to now? Follow me everywhere? Well, definitely not everywhere, not everywhere. Okay. Not like in a creepy stalker way, but like social media way. And buy all my books. Just if you are feeling because we've talked so much about autism, about mental health, if you are feeling that something is a little off, don't just be like, Okay, that's just me, that's just normal. That's my normal, it might be your normal, but we might also need some help. So reach out, talk to professionals. If it is something around the autism thing. Look for somebody who actually knows about autism, not just a general practitioner, their good starting point, but you want that end game. And I always like to say on my show about mental health, I was close up with saying let's speak openly and honestly, about all these topics. So that's what I want to say. And then yeah, for sure. Follow me on Facebook. I'm are being writing on Instagram. I just changed my instagram name. Shoot. I don't remember it. I think it's just Randy Lee Bozo now. And Tiktok I'm there as well. Randy Lubos. Law.

52:33  
And good Jay, good for you. I'm glad that you're out there because you genuinely are helping people. And, and that's that's that's really cool that you that you do that. By the way. Her name again is randidly Boleslaw. And you can go to RB writing a.ca She's a friend of ours from you know, Canada.

52:55  
You can tell them because I live so close to the border that I don't talk to Canadian.

53:00  
Does that does that even sound remotely like a Canadian? Or does it sound like I'm being stupid?

53:05  
I'm a little bit of both. I think if you go like super, super northeast for me, you might find that kind of talk.

53:12  
Well, there used to be a show called Bob and Ted or something

53:15  
like that. Yeah, they hardcore make fun of Yeah, everything Canadian. Yeah. But

53:20  
I have to tell you, I've talked to a lot of Canadians and and you guys are a little bit more enlightened than we are down here in a lot of cases. So I really appreciate you guys for waiting for what you do and it's it's awfully fun to have you here and and by the way again go to her website. And you can buy her book she's got the third is coming out in May. Is that right?

53:48  
Yes ma'am. So you can preorder it right now so that soon as it comes out you'll get it that is may what when it comes may 20

53:56  
Will you come back before then? Totally. Oh very nice. See? See ladies and gentlemen. She'll come back and see me so there.

54:05  
I like you. We can be friends. We can we can be friends in

54:09  
your in your fabulous guest and it's great fun to have you here. We are going to be back here at noon on Friday. And we don't know what we're going to talk about at noon on Friday because the guest had that we had scheduled sisters J isn't gonna make be able to make it but we'll figure out something for you. So on behalf of Randy Lee Boleslav Thank you very much for being part of positive talk radio here on Wednesday on KK and w 11:50am. And, by the way, be kind to one another because knew each other's all with God.